Learning to face our emotional problems and use humour to defeat them

There is an epidemic of neuroses in the Western world, and an army of therapists to deal with them. There is an easier and healthier way of coping; by seeking catharsis

Understanding the concept of catharsis is vital in the modern world, where so many repressed emotions and hidden feelings constantly simmer away below the surface of the average person’s consciousness. This hidden psychological turmoil results in all manner of harms, both mental and physical.  Although originally a Greek word, relating to drama, tragedy in particular, catharsis was later adopted by psychoanalysts, including Freud, to denote, ‘the process of reducing or eliminating a complex by recalling it to conscious awareness and allowing it to be expressed’. Which is no more than a longwinded way of saying that when people are aware in their own minds of what is troubling them, then that is the first step in dealing with the problem. The modern meaning is similar, but not identical, to this Freudian definition. Put simply, catharsis is a means of releasing strong emotions which are trapped and which an individual has not previously been able to articulate. This sounds complicated and strange, and so the best way to illustrate what is meant by catharsis and to show how necessary it is for most of us will be by some examples of its occurrence in real life.

     Catharsis entails becoming aware of one’s own mind, it is a moment of clarity or lucidity, when everything becomes plain and what has been hidden away in the unconscious mind bursts forth so that we are able to see it. Imagine that you have been feeling uneasy about a relationship in your life and yet do not fully understand why. You might go for an energetic run and suddenly, everything seems much clearer and you know what has been happening and what you must do. Perhaps you are having a pointless and frustrating argument with a teenage son or daughter and then recall how you used to have similar rows with your own parents. At this realisation, you burst out laughing at the absurdity of the thing. In Greek ‘catharsis’ means ‘cleansing’ and a gale of laughter certainly has the effect of cleansing a tense atmosphere and dissipating bad feeling. Tears can serve the same function, as a means of releasing the floodgates and allowing self-awareness to come rushing in.  Sometimes it is music or art which allows this sudden, illuminating shaft to shine on the hidden corners and recesses of our mind.

     Many people find that music, whether the lyrics of opera or pop songs, or just orchestral works, can touch them deep within and trigger insight. Looking at paintings or sculpture can have the same effect, and so too can creating art. There are any number of paths to catharsis, but I want to look at one of the simplest, one which is freely available to us all and requires no complicated knowledge or training to undertake.

     The salient point is that catharsis is inextricably bound up with self-awareness, a knowledge of how things really are and the part which you as an individual are playing in the world. In previous essays here, we have looked at the ways in which we often try and conceal what we are really thinking or feeling, either by outright denial or by putting a flattering gloss on our motives and actions. The stepfather of an obnoxious child will assure everybody, ‘I love him as though he were my own!’ or the greedy and avaricious doctor seeking a pay rise will warn that vulnerable patients will be at risk if ‘funding’ is not increased by the government. Catharsis means cutting through the lies and evasions and looking at the unvarnished portrait of oneself; warts and all. This kind of brutal honesty is not a regular event in the lives of most of us!

     The suppression of emotions and denial of the real state of affairs about the world and our place in it, creates hidden tensions which can, in time, develop into a neurosis. The strain of constantly pretending to love a much-loathed child, of deceiving oneself about what is happening in personal life or at work, can make us feel genuinely unwell. It is through catharsis that we admit to ourselves how we really feel and this process is like the lifting of a heavy burden. We are free. Keeping everything bottled up so that it festers away below the surface is a little like the growth of a blind boil. Catharsis may be compared to lancing such a carbuncle or abscess and letting the poison drain away. Only when this happens can we be free of whatever it is that we have been suppressing. This is not easy, because before doing it, we must learn to call things by their correct name.

     Most of us recoil in horror at the idea of lifting the stones covering the hidden corners of our unconscious mind and exposing to view the slugs, worms and other creepy-crawlies which are hiding there. Let’s face it, few of us wish to say plainly, even to ourselves, ‘I am a thief!’ or ‘I hate my step-daughter!’. Still less would we wish to confess, even in a whisper, ‘I wish my old mother would hurry up and die, because she has become a terrible nuisance!’ Such thoughts are smothered at birth, before we can fully articulate them to ourselves, and then pushed out of the way to the deepest recess of our minds. We might perhaps, for a split second of lucidity, be aware that bringing home stationery from the offices is stealing, but then we hastily side-track the thought by replacing it with, ‘Everybody does it.’ Thus, very few of us are ever fully able to know and understand ourselves. It’s simply too disconcerting to gaze in the mirror for long! Unpleasant it may be, but facing up to reality in this way is vital if we wish to lead enjoyable and stress-free lives, avoiding depression and the other side effects of buried and suppressed emotions.

     Returning to the hypothetical row between a parent and teenager, which we looked at earlier, this kind of confrontation might escalate into a physical brawl or it could fizzle out entirely; in both cases without a resolution. In many homes, such events are frequent. The feeling engendered on both sides, those of anger, frustration, guilt and remorse, are not dealt with and linger on until the next episode erupts. It is here that honesty and catharsis can come to the rescue. If the parent is willing to acknowledge that at least half the fault in the quarrel is his or hers, then it will be easier to break the impasse which exists between middle age and youth. With a little good fortune, this might resolve the situation into laughter and tears, leaving both sides in the confrontation feeling relieved and at peace.

     What is required to effect this catharsis is often an act of mental agility or gymnastics, a change of viewpoint and stepping back. Horace Walpole, an eighteenth-century English politician and author of the world’s first Gothic horror story, wrote in 1776 that, ‘The world is a comedy to those that think; a tragedy to those that feel’. No more succinct way can be readily imagined of summing up the essential difference in outlook between those who are able to view the world as it really is, and what we may term ordinary people. It is an outlook which is capable of cultivation and a practice well undertaking. It might involve learning to laugh at what many of us would see as tragedy; up to an including our own deaths and those of other people. This is a singularly useful talent to possess in the modern world. If the impulse to laugh at the absurdity of the world can become innate and catharsis a regular and unremarkable event, then we will soon find ourselves being far more relaxed and at ease with the world and accepting our place in it.

    The ability to laugh at oneself and also to see the humour in day to day life is, as any psychologist or psychotherapist will tell us, a valuable and healthy safety valve; a mechanism which stops stress and anxiety from building up to dangerous levels. Those who do not take either themselves or the world about them too seriously tend to be more relaxed and good natured than average.

     We must consider the difference between the way things are and the way that they should be, or appear to be. The contrast between the reality of a situation and the perception of those involved in it, including ourselves, can provoke anger or laughter. It is a largely a question of personal choice as to which of these two reactions dominate a person’s life. Those who take themselves, their careers, family life and the affairs of the world seriously will be more likely to shout with fury than too chuckle wryly.  They are also, of course, the very people more likely to drop dead with heart attacks or suffer from depression.

     It is very common in today’s society to feel miserable and hard done by when we see other people having more wealth, fame, good health and happiness than we ourselves have. This is a splendid illustration of what we have been discussing; the difference between the way things are and the way that they should be. The person living in a dingy, cramped home in a rundown back street might persuade his or herself that this is not how things should be; that a grand, detached house in a well-to-do and desirable neighbourhood is how life should be and that some kind of swindle or sharp practice must have been perpetrated in order that the reality should be so much less attractive. No better recipe for unhappiness can be imagined. Here is a man or woman who will almost certainly be prone to depression, headaches, stomach problems and much else besides.

     Picture now the person who, finding his self in a similar position, laughs at the unfashionable home and less than affluent circumstances in which he is living. He too sees the contrast between the way things are and the way they might be, but rather than anger and frustration, his sense of the ridiculous is tickled and he smiles at his own pretensions. I wonder which of these two people readers think is likely to be happier and to lead a more satisfying life? The laughter in this second case is catharsis in action, it cleanses and heals.

     What of the stepmother who feels infuriated by the teenage step-daughter with whom she is compelled to share a home? One way of turning the anger to laughter would be for her consciously to compare herself to the wicked stepmother in the story of Cinderella. The ludicrous idea of re-enacting a twenty-first century version of this old fairy tale should be more than enough to bring a smile to the lips. This at least is a beginning.

     Readers will surely be able to come up with any number of incidents and situations from their own lives, where this same process, of dwelling on the contrast between things as they are and as they could or should be, has caused them to be miserable. This is often bound up with what might be described as the ‘justice trap’. At the back of our mind is the mad notion that if we pay our taxes and eat up five portions of fruit and vegetables each day, limit ourselves to no more than fourteen units of alcohol per week, save money regularly, act prudently, and don’t break the law, then we will live pleasant, healthy and prosperous lives. This is because we have fallen prey to the preposterous idea that the world in which we live is regulated by justice and that the bad are punished and the virtuous rewarded. This bizarre and harmful delusion can make us very unhappy and frustrated, as we don’t receive all the prizes and rewards to which we think that we are entitled. Nor do wicked people suffer the consequences of their actions. It is a matter of common observation that selfish, cruel and dishonest individuals are at least as likely to flourish in the world as the righteous. As the Bible puts it, the wicked sometimes flourish like the green bay tree!

     Having learned to laugh at the idea that we have not been rewarded according to our desserts, that other people have more money and better houses than us, that our health and even our very life may be snatched from us unexpectedly and undeservedly at any moment and that we will never be fully appreciated by our family, friends, neighbours and colleagues at work, we may find that a great burden has been listed from our shoulders. Acceptance of, and laughter about, this unjust and iniquitous state of affairs will transform it; not immediately, but little by little, the more that it becomes a habit. In the next piece on this topic, I shall cover one final point, which is the infinity of choices available to us, from which we shrink in dismay.